Ever feel like you're juggling too many balls and dropping the most important one—yourself? One of the concepts I've coached clients on is treating yourself the way you'd treat a client, and today, I'm breaking that down with all of you. I'm sharing the reasons we struggle to put ourselves first (a few of these may surprise you!) and challenging you to start taking time for yourself. Let's dive in.
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Ever feel like you're juggling too many balls and dropping the most important one—yourself? One of the concepts I've coached clients on is treating yourself the way you'd treat a client, and today, I'm breaking that down with all of you. I'm sharing the reasons we struggle to put ourselves first (a few of these may surprise you!) and challenging you to start taking time for yourself. Let's dive in.
Save the Dates:
Join the SLP Support Group for more details!
Are you sick and tired of feeling overwhelmed by all the things? I can help. Schedule a free consult today.
Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!
Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp
Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.
This is your speech path mindful time management for the busy SLP. My name's Teresa Harp and, as a mom and speech pathologist turned productivity coach, I know a thing or two about how hectic life can be. If you're an SLP who's overworked, burnout and feeling like you're constantly falling short as a therapist and a mom, then this is the podcast for you. I cover time management and mindset strategies so you can learn to love your work and your home life at the same time. Let's dive in. Hey SLPs, welcome to episode 42 of the podcast. I am going to be talking about a concept today that I describe as treating yourself like a client, and we're going to talk more about that in a minute. But before we dive in, just a couple of things that I wanted to make you aware of. We recently, around the time that this podcast episode is airing anyway, recently had our very first webinar in the through the SLP support group, and that was all about mindful time management tips, which was really fun. It was the first time I've done something like that that I hosted within the SLP support group, and I'm going to host something similar. It's going to be a different topic, but at the end of May. The date and time is scheduled for Thursday, may 30th at 7 pm Eastern. There will be another webinar, a free webinar for anyone SLPs or anyone really. This one is less geared towards SLPs, so if you know somebody who struggles with time management, then be sure to share this information with them. We're going to be talking about values and needs, so I just wanted to put that on your radar now so you have lots of advance notice if you are listening to this episode as it's been released or shortly after. So, thursday, may 30th, 7 pm Eastern Values and Needs as they relate to time management, and that is a free webinar that will be hosted on Zoom. Okay, so keep that in mind and make sure that you're in the SLP support group so that you're aware of other workshops, webinars, resources that are available. In fact, I believe it is going to be the next Monday from the time that this episode airs. Sometimes I get a little confused with dates because obviously I record these at various times and then they come out at various times, but Monday, april 15th is the next body doubling slash co-working session that's happening in the SLP support group and that is scheduled for 12 pm Eastern. So that's another resource that's available, but in order to really take advantage of all of the events and resources and coaching, you want to make sure that you're in the SLP support group. So go ahead and click the link to join if you are not already a member. Okay, so that is that.
Speaker 1:But now I really want to talk about this concept of treating yourself like a client, and the reason why this is coming up for me is because it's actually been coming up more frequently in coaching sessions with some of the SLPs who I work with, and I've thought to myself you know, this really should be its own podcast episode. So here we are, right Now, what I mean. When I say treating yourself like a client, I'm really speaking to those of you who struggle with and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I want to make that super clear. There's nothing wrong with you. This is is so, so human and typical. But those of you who struggle with putting yourself first, making yourself a priority, following through and doing what you say you're going to do for you yourself. Okay Now, this is something I think that I've struggled with. I've seen people around me struggle with this, I think, as women, those of us who are moms, these are challenges that probably come up more frequently, at least that's how it seems, but this is really something that it's human, right, it's human. But for whatever reason within our field, we tend to put others first, whether that is the clients that we're working with, the employees or contractors on our team, the administrators or supervisors or employers who we work for, families of the clients we serve, they all tend to come first, and this is something that is not necessarily wrong, but it does become a problem for so many of us because we then fall by the wayside. Right, our needs, our goals, our desires, our whatever, those are the things that get crossed off the list like eliminated, just don't wind up happening because we're so busy. You know helping others, right, but think about it like this Would you ever purposely no show for a session?
Speaker 1:Would you ever purposely just not show up for a client? I'm going to guess the answer is no, maybe. Maybe there's some of you who are listening who are thinking well, I kind of wish I could, right, but even that thought, if that thought popped into your head, even that thought, that sends a message, right, because that's implying that you would if you could, but you can't Would you ever purposely show up late for sessions. Now, I understand we're not always running on time. We're not robots. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about would you ever just decide I'm just going to kind of show up halfway through this session today. I'm just going to, like you know, knock on the family's door at maybe 1225. Even though the session's at 12, I've got a lot going on, so I'll be there at 1225. Or maybe you have a brick and mortar and you're like well, you know, I'll get there. When I get there, they can just kind of hang out and wait in the waiting room. I'm laughing because I am willing to bet that most of you are like no, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:Would you ever purposely do a session with a client or have the client's family in the session and tell them that they're doing a crappy job? Client's family in the session and tell them that they're doing a crappy job? Would you ever, you know, sit with a family in the room and tell them that they're not doing good enough, they're not trying hard enough? Or to the client themselves, if you work with clients who are older, you know, older peds or adults would you ever tell them that they're not trying hard enough, they're not doing the work, they're not putting in any effort when they are putting in effort, when you do see them trying, no, you're not going to say that Would you just overlook the progress that they have made, because all you can focus on is the progress that they haven't made. Would you sit and focus on the goals that have not been met and, just you know, really dive into why that is and what's wrong with them? No, right, you're going to talk about and recognize the progress that they have made.
Speaker 1:Now, I'm not saying that when clients aren't making progress, we never point it out. You're going to talk about and recognize the progress that they have made. Now, I'm not saying that when clients aren't making progress, we never point it out. That's not what I'm saying. Hopefully you're understanding the point, but for my all or nothing thinkers out there, the black and white thinking, I just have to say that that's not the message that I'm trying to convey.
Speaker 1:Okay, what I'm trying hopefully to communicate hopefully this is effective is that there are so many rules that we would not break Common courtesy, you know, just decency that we provide and offer to our clients, that we do not provide an offer to ourselves. And the question is why? Why is it okay for us to treat ourselves like this but not our clients, right? If it's not okay to do it for a client, why is it okay to do it for us? So we're going to talk about that. But, honestly, when you think about goals that you have personal goals, professional goals, desires, hobbies, interests, needs, values when you think about you know time that you want to spend on you, but we're putting everybody else's needs first, we're left on the chopping block, right? And I think that this is something that makes us uncomfortable if we really think about how to address it. We get uncomfortable because it means that we have to put ourselves ahead of maybe others, quite frankly, or at least sometimes our brain tells us that we would have to then be putting ourselves before everybody else and that's a problem, and blah, blah, blah. Again, all or nothing thinking. But if you wouldn't do that for a client, to a client, why would you do it for or to yourself, right? So here are.
Speaker 1:I think there are lots of reasons why, but here are a few of the ones that I have noticed in coaching sessions and also through personal experience that I think are really important to point out, and I want you to think about each of these, as you hear me go through them and ask yourself which of these can you relate to. Maybe one, maybe two, maybe all right, but here are a few of the most frequent reasons why we do this, in my opinion. The first one is tough love. We think that this is a form of tough love and that if we treat ourselves this way, it will actually enable us to show up better and to be more consistent and to perform and to do what we say we're going to do.
Speaker 1:In order to do this, I need to really push myself and force myself to do it, this. I need to really push myself and force myself to do it. So maybe this is like you have a pretty full caseload and you don't really want to take on another client. You know it's going to really be pushing yourself, but you decide that no, I'm going to do it because this is what I signed up for and I need to make sure that I'm doing my job. And you know I am slacking if I'm not doing what I say I'm going to do, which is to serve clients who need speech and language therapy.
Speaker 1:Right, and maybe this might also look like those of you who are in the early stages of a private practice and you're in that sort of like initial maybe, or even in the growth stage. Right, for those of you that are setting up your private practice, or those of you who have an established practice and you're now moving towards more of a growth stage in your practice, it's like, well, I got to grind, I got to hustle, I got to really push myself if I'm going to get this done, and we think that that tough love is what actually helps us to show up and what I'm here to offer. And in some cases maybe it did right and maybe it still does. Okay. If it didn't, if it never helped you, if it was never effective, then you probably wouldn't do it. Your brain probably wouldn't offer that to you of pushing yourself to be better, do better, work harder, right, it's probably served you in some way, but I think for the most part it backfires. It causes analysis paralysis, it causes us to just shut down or avoid.
Speaker 1:Or, when it does work, if that sort of tough love mentality does get you to show up or do the thing that you said you were going to do, I bet it doesn't feel good. I bet it feels pretty miserable. I bet you didn't enjoy it. And then the question becomes well, what is the point? Like? What is the point of that If you are building this private practice because you want to build a life that you love and you want better work-life balance, but the whole time in order to do it, you're, you know, tough, loving yourself all the way there. Are you loving that? Is that fun? Are you enjoying it? I don't know. I'm gonna guess probably not so much. So that's something to think about, right, but I would offer that it is absolutely possible. In fact, I would say it is more possible to hit your goals, spend the time on the things that you want to spend your time on when you're not coming from a place of tough love and pushing.
Speaker 1:Okay, there's a very fine line, in my opinion, between pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and shaming yourself for not doing a good enough job. Right, like it is a fine line to walk. When I say it out loud, like that, it sounds very, very different, and I think in many ways it is. But in the moment when you're really trying to accomplish something, it can be very easy to kind of cross that line from hey I'm pushing myself to hey, I'm actually beating myself up. So that's the important piece is to really recognize where, for you, that line is Okay, all right. So that's one reason why we do it.
Speaker 1:Another reason is because we think, whether we realize it or not, we think that we don't deserve that same level of support and care. A lot of this comes down to self-worth and self-concept and value, the way that we value ourselves. But we think that, whether you realize it or not, that we're not worthy of that same level of support. We're not worthy of, you know, talking to ourselves the way we would talk to our clients. We're not worthy of supporting ourselves when we need help or asking for help when we need help, because, well, that's just me, this is just me, right? This isn't like the clients that I serve. That's my job. My job is to serve them and that is my role. And I want to offer that.
Speaker 1:If you're not doing it for you, who is doing it for you? Most likely nobody. And you know what? When I think about this too, I hadn't thought about this ahead of time, I'm just, it's just coming to me right now. But when you think about growing up. If you're lucky enough to live in or to have an environment, grow up in an environment where you have supportive caregivers or role models in your life, they provide that for you many times, right times right. They're providing that support and positive self-talk or positive talk, encouragement, guidance. That's coming externally for so many of us if we're lucky and that's fantastic, like that is a blessing, right? Not everybody has that.
Speaker 1:However, once you sort of grow up and you're an adult, that doesn't happen the same way it does when you're a child. And if you haven't been taught how to do that yourself, if you haven't internalized how to do that, there's no one else there that's going to do it for you. You have to do it for you, right, and in order to do it for you, you have to do it for you Right and in order to do it for you, you have to build up that concept of self-worth. You have to build up your sense of self-worth that you deserve that same level of kindness and support and encouragement that your clients deserve that you give to your clients, okay.
Speaker 1:Another reason why I think this happens, why we don't treat ourselves the way that we as nicely, as positively as we treat our clients is because we spend so much of our energy and our focus and our time on our clients, on the people who we serve, that there's often so little left in the tank to spend on ourselves. Now, this is a tricky one because, oh, it's so deep right, there's so many. We could do a whole podcast episode just on that concept, on that thought. But whether it's, this can show up for you in different ways, but it's essentially like you're giving so much of your energy and time to other people or other avenues, other, you know, pieces or components of your life that there is little left for you because you're putting yourself last. So it might not just be for you, it might not be your clients, it might be your private practice, your business, the business itself. It might be your kids, it might be your spouse, it might be your parents, if you're caring for your parents, and again for my fellow all or nothing thinkers, this is not to say that it's wrong to give your time and energy to those people, but there has to be a boundary. If there's not a boundary, then I can promise you with pretty strong high level of confidence, that you will run out At some point, you will hit the wall and there will be little left over for you.
Speaker 1:Okay, and if you're listening to this, you might be thinking well, that's my job, teresa. I am a business owner. I am an SLP who provides services for her clients. I am a mom who has kids to take care of. I do have an aging elderly parent who I have to take care of, and I hear you and I recognize that, and you can still do all of that. But what I'm offering is that the possibility that, by doing it for yourself, and maybe even doing it for yourself first, dare I say that you will be able to do it for them more consistently at a higher, deeper level, at a more enjoyable level. Just a thought, right, something to think about.
Speaker 1:And then the fourth reason that I'm going to share on today's podcast episode why I think we don't treat ourselves the way we treat clients is because there's no immediate consequence. There's no immediate consequence. There's no immediate, tangible consequence. If I say I'm going to go for a run or go to the gym on this day and I don't do it, no one's going to be sending me an email and asking me why didn't you show up for yourself? No one's going to find out, no one's going to know, right, it's not going to impact your income, it's not letting anybody else down. There's no immediate major repercussion, right. If I don't show up for a client, I can promise you you're going to hear about it one way or another, right, they're going to reach out to you. Where are you? Or, if you're an employee, your employer is going to be wondering what's going on. Right? But that same level of consequence does not occur, does not exist for ourselves.
Speaker 1:This shows up for a lot of the clients that I work with, the SLPs who I coach, when it comes to things like documentation. Because we can put off for certain, especially for private pay clients, you can put off documentation for quite a while. I mean, there oftentimes is no immediate major consequence. And this is not me saying don't do your documentation. This is me just sort of explaining one of the reasons why so many of us put it off.
Speaker 1:Same thing with paying ourselves. So for those of you who are private practice owners, you might not pay yourself. You might pay yourself last or not at all in the beginning stages of your business. I mean, this can look different for so many different people, but we pay everybody else first and then pay ourselves last, and that doesn't necessarily. I'm not saying that's a problem by definition. I think it often is a problem and becomes a problem, but it could be a problem. It often is a problem and becomes a problem, but it could be a problem. And if it's something that's not really working well for you, then it's a problem, right. But it's not like you're going to be emailing yourself or calling yourself and saying why didn't you pay me when you're the boss? It's hard, it's very hard. Same thing with, you know, doing the tasks that you need to do to run a private practice. If you are the sole, if you are a solopreneur right, if you have a sole proprietorship and you are the owner in the sole provider, who's going to be emailing you, asking you for the report? I mean, maybe the insurance company. If you take insurance and you go to submit and you haven't done the proper documentation, then yeah, you're not going to get paid. But it's very different, it's a very different reality than when you work for a private practice and that private practice is asking you for that documentation and you're not getting paid, right, unless you submit it. Big difference, big, big difference.
Speaker 1:So what I would offer, what I would ask you to think about, is is it true that there aren't any immediate major repercussions? And if that is true, then the next question is what about the minor repercussions? Or what about the minor repercussions, or what about the delayed repercussions? What about the cost in your energy, the cost in your brain, in your mind, in your emotions, in your body, when you're putting something off that you know you really shouldn't I use that word very delicately that you know you really shouldn't I use that word very delicately that you know you really shouldn't be putting off. I'm willing to bet that that takes up quite a bit of energy mentally, emotionally, physically. That's a cost, that's a repercussion. Eventually you don't have the money to pay for yourself, to pay yourself, or eventually you do maybe lose clients or so on and so forth. Right, there are many minor repercussions, way beyond what we can talk about in one podcast episode, but it's really important to consider what they are and to acknowledge that they exist and to consider how they add up, because that will help you to start to understand the cost of putting yourself last. Okay.
Speaker 1:So the question that I want to ask you is how could showing up for yourself, the way that you show up for a client, make you a better, happier, more fulfilled person? How could showing up for yourself, the way you show up for your clients, help you feel and be a better mom, a better SLP, a better private practice owner or boss, a better employee, a better spouse or partner, a better daughter, a better son, a better, whatever right? How can spending the time on yourself help you to enjoy spending your time on others? Those are the questions that I want you to ask about, ask yourself that's what I want you to think about and ask yourself, right. So what is the thing that you've been putting off for forever, or what are the things that you frequently put off in your daily routines, like movement or sleep or meals or connection or whatever right? What are the things that you wish you had time for during the week, but when life is hectic and you know you've got a lot going on, those are the things that don't even make it on the list, let alone the calendar, or you know, actually happening, actually occurring. What are those things for you?
Speaker 1:And I want you to challenge yourself to treat those things like they were clients. Treat them like they're sessions with clients. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a client. Treat yourself the way you would treat your clients. You would not let your client down, right? You're not going to let your clients down, so why are you letting yourself down? Stop Stop letting yourself down. Stop talking to yourself the way that you would never speak to anybody else. Stop talking to yourself and treating yourself like you don't matter or like you come last and see what happens.
Speaker 1:That's what I want you to do. That's your homework, if you like it. If you don't, then just ignore. That's totally fine too. You got to do what works best for you. But I hope that this was helpful. I hope that you'll pop into the SLP support group and join us for the upcoming co-working sessions and webinar that is being hosted. Co-working session again is Monday, april 15th at 12 noon Eastern via Zoom, and the next webinar is Thursday, may 30th, 7 pm Eastern via Zoom. Make sure you're in the group so you know what's going on and I will see you all next week.