91. The Sneaky Power of "Should"--How It’s Wrecking Your Productivity (and What to Do Instead)

Ever feel like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough? If you constantly catch yourself saying, “I should be more organized,” “I should be able to handle this workload,” or “I should be more productive,” this episode is for you.

Today, we’re uncovering how ‘should’ thinking sneaks into your self-talk, drains your energy, and keeps you feeling stuck. You’ll learn how to recognize these sneaky thoughts, reframe them, and take back control of your time—without guilt or burnout.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

✅ Why high-achieving SLPs & neurodivergent professionals fall into the ‘should’ trap
✅ The science behind how ‘should’ drains your mental bandwidth
✅ A simple mindset shift that instantly boosts productivity
✅ How to replace ‘should’ with empowering language that drives action

If you’re ready to stop feeling behind and start working smarter, this episode is a must-listen!

Links & Next Steps:

📩 Join the Free Facebook Group Here

 📝 Share your biggest ‘should’ statement in the group!

💡 Want personalized coaching? DM me the word “PRODUCTIVITY” on Facebook or click here to schedule a consult

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

Welcome to Work-Life Balance for Speech Pathologists. I'm Theresa Harp, an SLP and productivity coach, and this podcast is all about how to build a successful career as an SLP and still have time for yourself and the people and things you love. So if you're ready to ditch stress and burnout for a more balanced and fulfilling life, then you are in the right place. Let's dive in.

Hey SLPs, welcome back to the podcast. It is going to be a good one, so I hope you're excited because I am. This episode, or this topic I should say, was one that I was going to say, I'm, I'm pausing cause, I was going to say one that should have been recorded a lot earlier. And I caught myself, and that is because this episode is all about that word, should.

And So, [00:01:00] isn't that funny? Just sort of life imitating art, I guess. But what I was going to say is that this topic was suggested by one of the members in the SLP Support Group and it's definitely something that I have coached on lots of times, that I have self coached on lots of times. And so, usually, if one or both of those things is the case, then it's something worth having an episode dedicated to.

So that's what we're doing here today. I'm going to be talking all about the word should and how it is sabotaging the way that you spend your time, your work life balance, your productivity, even the way that you feel Work, whether that's in your personal life or in your professional life. Okay, so that's the plan for today.

But [00:02:00] before we dive in, I do want to invite you to hop into the free Facebook group, SLP Support Group, which is a great opportunity for you to join this conversation. It's a space that's dedicated to SLPs and related professionals who are looking for ADHD friendly. Productivity strategies that actually work and this week we're going to be discussing this topic on a deeper, on a deeper scale and we talk about topics like this every week and I'd love for you to be part of it.

So you can always click the link in the show notes to join or you can go to www.facebook.com/groups/slpsupportgroup and make sure that you are a member so that you can join the conversation there. All right. So why. Are we talking about this? If you don't know, I will tell you. I have found that most of us in this field, whether it's It's [00:03:00] SLPs, that's my background, but it could also be in related health professionals like OTs and PTs and teachers, therapists, et cetera.

We often fall into this trap of what I'm going to call should. Thinking or shooting on ourselves. Okay, I'm giving credit to sex in the city for that line if you know, you know Okay, so we do this a lot a lot a lot and sometimes we're doing Most of the time we're doing this internally Without even realizing that it's happening.

And if you have not listened to last week's episode, episode 90, which was about self talk, go check that episode out. It goes very nicely with this topic today. And it's, it's a must listen, in my opinion. So go ahead and check that one out. But. Basically, the idea with should thinking or shoulding on [00:04:00] ourselves is that we do it a lot, probably more than we even realize, and a lot of times we're doing it internally.

We don't even have to do it audibly, outwardly, right? We oftentimes are saying this to ourselves in our mind, and we don't even realize that we're doing it. And even if we realize that we're doing it, what I bet you don't Appreciate is the toll that it's taking and that's where I come in. That's what I want you to start noticing.

Because the mental and emotional weight of those should statements are heavy. But we just don't realize them. They're often hidden. We don't realize the toll that it's taking. And what I want to do today is talk about how you can recognize this and where it shows up in your self talk, okay? Then I want to cover how it affects your time management and your work life balance.

[00:05:00] So if you think that this is not a big deal, you need to listen to this episode because I'm going to show you. How it is a big deal. And then I'm going to give you some reframes, some powerful reframes, some ways that you can begin to shift this so that it start, so that you start working in service of yourself rather than against yourself.

Okay. So that's, that is the plan. Now, recognizing where should shows up in your self talk. Okay? I already told you this can be internal, this can be external. So this can be thoughts. This can also be words that we say. But here are some frequent flyers. Listen to these and tell me in your mind or in the SLP support group if any of them sound familiar.

I should just stay a little bit longer at work and get my notes done today. Or I should take on this client. This is a client that I [00:06:00] really don't have the space for this client, but I know I should. They really need it. Or I should be able to get this done in an hour. Why is it taking me twice as long?

What is wrong with me? Or I should be able to get up every morning and get going with my day. Why is this so hard? I should be able to just stop scrolling. I should be able to just put my phone down and unplug, but I can't, okay? I should go to X, Y, Z, but Right? So most of the time when we are saying that word, it is often connected to something that we don't truly want to do.

Something that we, that there is some tension there, there is some friction when we think about doing [00:07:00] it, right? It's a should, it's not a want, it's not a could, it's not a going to, it's just, I really should do this, but I'm not, is pretty much how it goes. Sometimes it might, air quotes here, work, meaning sometimes when you say, I really should stay here and just get this done before I go home.

Maybe. That does work for you on occasion, okay? And then maybe, yeah, maybe you do stay and you get the thing done. But at what cost? Because usually those should statements are creating feelings of, like I said before, tension or friction, guilt or resentment. or stress or dread, right? And a lot of times, those should statements are connected to a place of overachievement, overcommitment, burnout, perfectionism.[00:08:00] 

So I don't think that's the case all the time, and I don't think that's even the case for everyone, but I definitely know. That it can come from that place. It can come from a place of perfectionism and high achieving, high achievement. So, I want you to think about when you find yourself thinking or saying these things, what is the scenario?

Like, what are you saying it about? What are you Is the motivation behind you saying it? And what are the specific feelings that you notice when you're thinking this should statement or saying this should statement? Okay, so those are some ways that it shows up. Okay, now I want you to start thinking about how this impacts your productivity.

All right. And I, I'm going to do the heavy lifting for you here. I'm going to walk you through [00:09:00] some ways. That this affects, or I should say the reasons why this affects, the reasons why this affects your productivity. And then we'll talk through how it actually affects your, your time management. But why does this happen, right?

If you're like me, curious, inquisitive, you just want to know the why. You want to know why. Why does this happen, right? So think about it this way. There's a lot of reasons why. I'm going to point out a few. of the biggest ones. The first being that when we have those thoughts excessively, I should do this, I should do that, I should, should, should.

It creates this mental clutter. It's basically like clutter in our mind that takes up space, it takes up our mental bandwidth, and it's floating around in there, and it's Using up space that we could be [00:10:00] using for something that's more productive. And when I say more productive, I don't even necessarily mean like checking things off of a to do list.

Although it could mean that, but also more productive in terms of like beneficial. It's more beneficial for you. It is, there could, you could be using that space for things that are more beneficial. But if we're just you know, junking it up with those should thoughts, it creates this cognitive load. And that cognitive load is taxing.

And I don't know about you, but I have very little mental bandwidth to spare. I use it very intentionally these days. I'll give you a little tangent, a little, this is a tangent, but it's an example, um, from recent experience. My husband and I had a fundraiser and there was You know, an online aspect to this where we had to, you had to download the app and you had to register and it was to bid on [00:11:00] different, on different, uh, prizes.

And I had no interest, really. I mean, I had, I had an interest. There's some really nice Uh, prizes that you could win, that you could bid on, but for me, I always do like a cost benefit analysis and I'm like, yeah, no, I really don't want that like mentally in my brain thinking about like how I could go down that rabbit hole of looking at the different The prizes and the bidding and figuring out, like, where, where I need to go online and how I get there and what time and all of that.

For some of you that might seem crazy, but for me I'm like, nope, it's just, the juice ain't worth the squeeze, right? So, I was just staying, I was staying out of it. He, however, wanted to participate and, of course, was asking me how to do so. How, like, what's the app? Where do I go? What do I do? And I'm like, I am not involved in this.

This is not, this is not something that I'm [00:12:00] investing any of my time or energy in because it's just that sort of mental clutter. It's that stuff that I don't want to have to figure out. So you're on your own. Figure it out. And he did. And that was fine. But it's an example for you of how I sort of protect that mental bandwidth.

So could I have thought to myself, Oh, I should help him. Yeah. And maybe that thought came in my mind. I don't know. Maybe some of you have some opinions about this. I don't know, but I can tell you that I forwarded him the email and I said, you're on your own, figure it out. And he did all good, but it just wasn't something that I was going to spend my, my mental energy on.

Okay? So that is one sort of reason why the should The shooting that we do, uh, impacts our productivity, okay? Next one is [00:13:00] decision fatigue. Do you know how many decisions that we make in a day? I don't have the answer. It would have been really cool if I did, but I don't have the answer. I've heard lots of different stats on this before, but it is a lot, it is a lot, a lot.

And similar, similarly to what I was talking about before with like the mental clutter and mental energy, same thing for me applies when I know how many decisions I have to make every day. No, we've already established. I do not know how many decisions I have to make every day, but I know I have to make a lot of decisions and I know they're draining.

And so if I'm shooting, shooting, shooting all over myself, that to do list is, you know, growing in length, even if it's not written now, it's just mental open loops in my head. And now I am trying to expend energy deciding. Am I doing this? Am I doing that? Am I doing this now? Am I doing this later? [00:14:00] How am I doing this?

What do I need? Right? It's this decision fatigue. Should I do it? Should I not do it? And it, it costs energy and it costs time and I'm not here to spend it. I'm not interested in spending my time and my energy on that. And if I do, I'm going to do so very intentionally. The shoulding also creates this stress response because it's like this constant narrator in our mind, it's like, oh, you should do this or you shouldn't do that.

And so we're just responding our body, whether we realize it or not, our nervous system is responding. responding to those thoughts, it creates, it can create this, this feeling of anxiety, this feeling of stress, or it could even create some resistance where it's like, I should go to the gym right now, but instead I think I'm just going to eat [00:15:00] these, you know, this bag of chips or whatever.

Right? So sometimes there's this like rebellious side where we get a should, we hear a should in our mind, and we react in sort of rebellion against it. No, I don't want to be told what to do, even though it's ourselves that are telling. ourselves what to do and we resist. So sometimes that, that shitting can result in stress.

Sometimes it can result in rebellion. But either way, neither of those is helpful. Neither of those are, is productive. And I don't want you to think that I'm. Placing blame or singling you out or being gloom and doom. I mean, this is stuff that is just the human experience. I see these patterns all the time.

My brain offers me these thoughts. I see these patterns in my coaching. When I'm coaching other clinicians, [00:16:00] we coach on this stuff a lot. Sometimes it's wrapped up in different packaging. But sometimes when we start to increase the self awareness, of where the shoulding is showing up, then we can start shifting some of those should thoughts and see changes in our time management.

And that's what I'm going to talk about next, but if this is resonating with you, if this, if any of this sounds familiar, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it in the SLP support group. So drop a post in the group, or you can always send me a DM and just tell me what is. What's one should statement that has been running through your mind lately and I'll help you workshop it.

I'll help you troubleshoot. I'll walk you through it together. So go ahead and share that in the SLP support group on Facebook or if you rather would do that privately, you can always send me a DM and I'm [00:17:00] happy to support you that way as well. Alright, so let's talk about what you can do about this. Okay, what can you do?

So we've already talked about. We talked about how it shows up, we talked about why it shows up, and we talked about some of the impacts that those should statements have, right? Like decision fatigue and increased cognitive load and stress. Right? And rebellion, all of that. I also want to add to, real quick, stay with me here, real quick, is those should statements can often, they can also create, I guess, uh, I'm trying to, uh, unrealistic expectations.

I was trying to think of the word, word finding issues. So they create unrealistic expectations because we just hear, oh, I should do this, I should do this, I should do this, I should do this. And our, sometimes our brain. Like accepts that as truth. Like, okay, I guess now [00:18:00] we're doing this and I guess we're doing that.

And then we might start something and we don't finish it. We may have these unrealistic expectations of what we can get done. Okay, what am I going to do today? All right, I should do this. I should do this. I should get this done. I should send that email. I should make sure I prep for my sessions. I should, oh, I got to respond to that email.

Right? And so then we're left with, with. a to do list or a plan that is not at all realistic. It's more reactive than proactive because we're thinking of what we should be doing and we're reacting to it. It can also just drive that overworking, overachievement. Overcommitment, burnout train that so many of us are on, we're like, Oh, well, I should do this.

I should do this. I guess I got to stay at work late. I guess I have to bring my work home. I guess I have to get up early and get this done. I guess I'll be writing reports on the weekends, right? And so. The, those should [00:19:00] statements take their toll in those ways as well. So I, you know, I, I talked about some of like the science y ways, science y, but ways like the cognitive load and the decision fatigue, but also more of the emotional impact and the mental impact that we're feeling as well.

All right. Now let's talk through what you can do about this, all right? So one of the most powerful tools that I have found for myself and that I often share with clients is the power of the reframe. So reframing something that sounds or feels negative into something that is going to work for you. And this does not have to be A massive leap.

This does not have to be the exact opposite at all, right? Like we try to think of ways to do this that are, uh, that are [00:20:00] realistic, that are believable, that your brain can get on board with, okay? And so I'll give you some examples so that this makes a little bit more sense, all right? So if you were to quite simply replace the word should With the phrase want to imagine what would shift.

So if every time you think I should do X, Y, Z, what if you changed it to I want to do X, Y, Z. Now, I'm going to go with the example of evaluation reports, because you know why. Enough said. Okay, so let's say. Your brain offers you the thought, gosh, I should stay here late and just get this evaluation report done.

What if you changed it to, I want to stay here late to get this evaluation report done. Because [00:21:00] when I get home, I won't have to think about it anymore. Okay, it's not I want to stay here late. I want to work lots and lots of hours. I want to stay at work for as late as possible and just keep on going because I want to get everything off my to do list.

No, it's, okay, do I want to write this at home? Or do I want to write this here? And then answering it. So maybe it's not that you want to, to stay late and write the report there. You could even take that piece out of it and just say, instead of saying, I should write this evaluation report, it's, I want to write this evaluation report because I know how much better I'm going to feel when it's done.

I want to write this evaluation report because I know that once I cross it off the list, I am going to feel the sense of relief or. I want to write this evaluation report because I want to have it off my plate [00:22:00] and hand it in on time so that I can feel that sense of freedom, right? You fill in whatever resonates for you.

I love to connect this to values personally. So, and I like to do this with clients as well. So looking at what my core values are and how does this Should task fit into those core values and that often helps me. Um, so here's an example that's maybe a little bit different. Still evaluation reports, but a little different than what I've said so far.

I want to write this report now because when I'm done, I'm going to be able to get outside and move my body. Because movement is one of my core values. It's actually one of my needs, not a value, but that's a topic for a different day. I want to get this done today. Because. I can spend more time with my family, or so that I can spend more time with my family, right?

You can, you can shift these statements to [00:23:00] other things, you can replace should with other phrases, it doesn't just have to be want to. That's the one that has worked best for me, even though I felt some resistance at first because it was almost like laughing, like, oh, I want to write this evaluation report.

And said no one ever, right? But when I really thought about it and, and really was honest with myself, I could identify reasons why I wanted to write it. I mean, I'd rather do other things, sure. But I'm going to enjoy those other things so much more when I have got this When I've finished this evaluation report.

Okay, so I want to might feel like a big leap for you. So I would give you two suggestions in that case. Number one, think about what you are following that phrase up with. I want to blah blah blah because and think about something that it feels true for you. Okay, even if it's like I [00:24:00] want to finish this report because then I can watch Netflix and not feel guilty.

Right? Whatever lands for you. So, that's one thing that you can try to make this work for you. The other thing that you can try to make this work for you has already fallen out of my mind. Oh, I love how I'm just cracking myself up here today on my I want to do this because, yep, it's gone. I don't know. It might come back to me.

But you can fill it in with something like, something that actually feels true, something that actually resonates with you. I, this is not what it was, but the other thing I'll say is think about how you're going to feel when the thing is done, when the task is done, right? That often works for me too, okay?

So replacing should with want to, you could also replace should with things like I could do this. That one never really [00:25:00] works for me. Well, I shouldn't say that. It does work for me sometimes because it can give you choice. It can give you empowerment. Right? It now feels like you have a voice in the matter.

Well, I could write it now and get it done and not bring it home from work, or I could leave early or leave now and I could bring it home and write it there. And then you weigh those out and decide. So could, could work as an, as a reframe. You could also try something like, it matters to me. Or, it's important to me, XYZ, okay?

So you've got to play around with this, this is something that I do with my coaching clients where we kind of figure out what is the phrase that's going to, to stick for them and that really resonates. So you have to just kind of play around with it, but you can let me know in the SLP support group which one of these are you going to try, right?

Which one of these are you going to try? [00:26:00] Okay. So, as we are wrapping up, I want you to start by paying attention to where the shoulds show up in your every day. Where are you shoulding on yourself, okay? And now that you know how sneaky those should statements are, or how sneaky they can be, and how they mess with your productivity, I want to invite you to put it into action, okay?

Take this information and do something with it. So here's what I want to invite you to do next. I want you to join the free Facebook group, SLP Support Group, where we're going to be continuing this conversation throughout the week. And you'll be, when you join, you'll get support, you'll get added accountability, contact with other community members.

In the SLP support group that are all working on the same thing. And secondly, if you want more personal guidance with this more sort of one on one nuanced guidance [00:27:00] and support, I have five spots that are open currently for my one on one coaching program. So, if you are really looking to take this to the next level, then you can click the link in the show notes to book a consult where we can talk one on one and I can let you know what I do and how I can help and you can see if this would be a good fit for you or you can just send me a DM with the word productivity and then I'll reply with all the details that you need.

All right, that's it for today's episode. Hope this was helpful. Hope to see you in the SLP support group, continuing the conversation. And I will be back again next week, episode 92, getting close to the hundred mark. That's exciting. All right. Have a great week, everyone. [00:28:00] Bye.