102. Your Job Is Not Your Identity—Even If You're Damn Good at It

Welcome to Part 1 of our 5-part burnout series! In this episode, we’re starting at the root: identity. If you’re a high-achieving SLP (or OT or PT) who gets told you’re “a lifesaver,” “the only one who gets it,” or “the one who always says yes”... it’s time to ask: Is your job your entire identity?

I'm covering:

• How well-meaning validation keeps us stuck in burnout
• The hidden cost of being the “fixer,” the “flexible one,” or the “overachiever”
• Why compliments feel good—but can trap us in people-pleasing
• A mindset shift that lets you love your career without losing yourself in it

You’ll also learn how to:
 ✅ Identify the role you play at work (and whether it aligns with who you actually are)
✅ Audit your schedule for obligation vs. intention
✅ Start reclaiming an identity outside of your productivity

To find out how I can help you improve your work-life balance, click here.

Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!

Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharp

Learn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to Work-Life Balance for Speech pathologists. I'm Theresa Harp, an SLP and Productivity Coach, and this podcast is all about how to build a successful career as an SLP and still have time for yourself and the people and things you love. So if you're ready to ditch stress and burnout for a more balanced and fulfilling life than you are in the right place, let's dive in.

Hey, SLPs, welcome to the show. This is episode 1 0 2. And I'm starting what I believe I'm gonna be calling a burnout series on the podcast. So I've got about five episodes that I've outlined. This is the first of the five. And they're all related to burnout overall, I mean in general. But each one offers a different sort of piece of the pie where I'm gonna be talking about the different aspects that I see.[00:01:00] 

In my coaching clients and that I've experienced over time in our field as SLPs. And this is also relevant, I would imagine, to OTs and PTs just based on my conversations that I've been having with clients and colleagues. So today's episode is the first of the series, and I'm gonna be talking about. Your job as an SLP or PT and OT and how it becomes our identity and where that leads us astray, how that gets us in trouble, and kind of talk through how that might contributing to some of the stress and the overwhelm that you might be experiencing currently or you've experienced in the past, or you might sort of cycle through.

So this is definitely something that my [00:02:00] listeners who are, who would consider themselves, if you consider yourself a high achiever, if you consider yourself a people pleaser, if you consider yourself somebody who gives their all to this career, to this field, and who got into this field because you wanted to help people.

And then this episode and this series is definitely for you. Okay, so let's think about what you might be experiencing, what your reality might be. When you think about yourself in your role as an SLP. How do you view yourself? How do others view you? And I'm not one to, what's the word? I'm not one to promote.

Worrying about what other people think. That's not the point here. But I do [00:03:00] believe that a lot of us get into this field and we get into our positions and. We start to sort of adopt or take on this role. It's almost like a, like the role of a character. It's the way that you are seen by others and the way that you see yourself.

And if it's helpful for you to pause and consider how other people perceive you. How other people think of you. What is your reputation? What is the way that people view you in your role as an SLP? I only want you to do that if it's going to help give you some clarity about how you might be showing up.

And then I will guide you on what the cost of that might be. So for example, maybe you are the one in your position on your team [00:04:00] or in your role where. Families know that they can go to you with any problem that they're having. It's not, maybe it's not just related to speech and language, maybe it's related to family dynamics or it's related to, you know, something that they're struggling with.

As parents, if you work with parents or caregivers of family members that maybe you are treating. Maybe you are the one who people will go to when they want a session that's early in the morning or late at night, late in the afternoon, late at night. Maybe you are the one that coworkers go to when they need support with taking on a case or helping them get caught up on something.

Maybe you're the one who administration. Over books. Maybe you're the one that just gets [00:05:00] all the, maybe you get all the tough cases, maybe you get the, the, you know, air quotes here. But the, those tougher cases or the tougher families, what does that look like for you? Right? And why does it matter? So that's what we're gonna talk about because.

Regardless of what the, the reputation is, regardless of what the, even the reality is, I'm willing to bet that there is some sort of role that you provide in your job. And I'm not just talking about the role of SLP, he, um, I'm laughing because I think about sometimes. Another way to think of this is if you're, if your mo, if your life, if your life, your work was a movie or a TV series, what would your character look like?

Who would play your character and what would that character, [00:06:00] what would that character, you know, what role would that character be filling on the, on the cast? So I was listening to, um. Matthew Perry's book recently on audio, and he was talking at one point about the cast of friends and the different roles that each character had, and he was talking about in the beginning.

Everyone's, every character's role was defined in the first season, except for Joey. So you know. Rachel, Phoebe was like the aloof, kind of airhead, bubbly, but airhead kind of person. Rachel was, and I'm, I'm making, I'm paraphrasing here. This is not what he said, but, you know, Rachel was sort of the, you know, the, the attractive, um, girly girl.

Monica was the sort of OCD kind of, um, rule follower. [00:07:00] Right. So every character had their role, but Joey's role was a little bit undefined in the beginning, and then it took him, I guess by the end of the first season, they kind of figured out like what role he would fill on that cast and, and how that would play into the storylines.

And so my question for you is, what, who, what is your role? Who would be playing you? What would you look like? How are you known as. And does that align with how you want to be known? Does that align with how you see yourself? Does that align with your values, your needs? Because most of the time, most of the time, that comes at a cost, right?

Maybe I'm willing to bet that there is some part of you in your role that is costing you your. Energy, your peace, maybe your, [00:08:00] um, sanity, maybe your time. Right? And another way, like another aspect of this is, is the peace where we get so wrapped up in our job, in our career as SLPs. We think of ourselves as SLPs first, and we almost forget who we even are outside of work now.

I definitely fell into this trap early on in my career, and I'd say even in like maybe the first, I don't know, five. F eight years or so because you work so hard, you spend so much time learning the, the field, learning, the job, learning everything that you need to know in order to go out and kick ass as an SLP, and it just sort of becomes you, right?

You think like an SLP, you show up as an SLP and it could [00:09:00] be really easy to lose yourself in the process. And I wanna offer that you are. Your identity as an SLP or PT or ot, that is one part of you? Yes. We spend a lot of our time working, some of us more than others, but we do spend a lot of our time showing up at work and in that role.

But that's just one part of ourselves. That's just one part of our identity. And when there is a. When there's certainly, when there's a disconnect between your identity at work versus how you identify outside of work, that is a huge source of burnout. I see this a lot with my A DHD coaching clients. So for those of us who have a DHD or suspect that we do.

Maybe, maybe you are one of them as you're listening to this. [00:10:00] So many will tell me in coaching sessions that they have not disclosed their diagnosis. They don't share it. They re, they will openly say that they mask, they try to do everything they can to blend in and to not let that part of themselves be known and shared.

And I am not here to judge whether that's right or wrong. But I am observing the cost of masking. So you can mask your A DHD, but we can mask in so many other ways, right? There's so many other ways that masking will show up. Imposter syndrome comes up here. All of those things cost us. They cost us our energy, they cost us our peace of mind, and they're incredibly taxing.

And I want you to understand that you can be incredibly [00:11:00] successful and proud of how you're showing up at work and love what you do without it being the sole source of your identity. Okay? That's hard though. For my high performers, for my high achievers, for my people pleasers, because so many of us, I, I lump myself in there too, because I definitely have that high achiever kind of streak in me, if you will, that I have to keep in check.

But it is really easy for those who are people pleasers and high achievers to attach their identity to their job because it's so validating. Right. We get to show up every day and do amazing things. We get to help people learn how to communicate. We get to help them find their voice and use their voice, whatever that voice looks like, right?

Whether it's an actual voice, whether it's [00:12:00] using a a C, whether it's using sign language, whether it's using some combination, it does not matter what it is. We allow people to find their way to communicate. I shouldn't say we allow people, but our work supports them in that journey. And that's incredibly validating.

That's incredibly rewarding. It feels great, right? And we are praised for it too, because when our clients are making progress, when our evaluations, when we're, um, you know. Uh, conducting evaluations and sharing information about those evaluations or about progress in team meetings, in reports. In conversations with our clients and our clients', family members, and our team members and coworkers, we are praised.

And I don't mean that in, I'm not saying that that's wrong. I'm [00:13:00] not saying that's bad, but it's, it's, we are validated, right? We're validated for that. And families and clients are often very grateful and they express that. And so it sort of creates this loop, this like dopamine loop of. Work reward. Work reward, and what happens when that external validation is the only thing that's fueling us or when it's the biggest source of our fuel.

We are at risk for burnout for sure, because we want that validation, that fulfillment, that happiness to come from within, not from external sources. Right, because otherwise we're just going to keep saying yes. We're gonna keep saying yes to the tough clients. We're gonna keep saying yes to the late sessions.

We're gonna keep saying yes to the sessions that are outside of our wheelhouse or our expertise [00:14:00] because that is our identity. That's how we have identified ourselves or we've been identified as others. And that's be, it becomes this we, you know, perpetual role. But the truth is. That it again, comes at such a cost.

It comes at our own expense. And so what we need to do. Is recognize the value that we have because we are inherently valuable. We are inherently, naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. It does not depend on how well we're doing in our job. It does not depend on how hard we're working, how much, how many hours we're putting in, or how late we're staying, or how many reports we're writing.

None of that. Determines our value. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to [00:15:00] identify the role that you play at work. Are you the comic relief? Are you the rescuer? Are you the fixer? Are you the overachiever? Are you the flexible, you know, flexible friend who can just show up and say yes and do whatever?

So identify the role that you play at work and then. Ask yourself, why does that role feel safe? What about that? What about that role helps you feel safe and content? And then I want you to think about your day, go through your day or your week, and do an audit and identify the times where you are acting and, and making choices and decisions based on that role or based on obligation.

Or maybe both rather than intention and choice. Okay. And then the [00:16:00] last piece of this, this is the part that's going to feel a little bit uncomfortable, I think if none of the, if neither of those steps felt uncomfortable. I want you to consider what your identity is outside of work, and once you've got some clarity there.

I want you to step into that identity in a way that has no association with work. So for example, maybe you, outside of work you identify, you think of yourself as somebody who is very creative and that has nothing to do with your work as an SLP, but in your. Home and personal life you are. You have a creative spirit, you have this creativity, so what can you do to tap into that?

[00:17:00] How can you flex that creativity? How can you flex that muscle and really settle into that aspect of your identity outside of work? And then see what happens to. The way that you feel when you show up at work. So when you are tapping into those pieces of your identity that maybe you're not. That are not showing up at in your role at at work, and you're able to either bring them into your role at work or tap into them outside of work.

Either way, watch how that shifts, the way that you show up at work, the way that you feel at work. And sometimes it's as simple as like a, you know, an afternoon of doing this and you know, one time and then you immediately can notice a difference, but others. For other, other people, and other times it will take more than that.

And so you'll just [00:18:00] have to guide yourself. You'll have to be check in with yourself and guide yourself, or you can book a consult and work with me and I can show you how to do this. I can teach you how to do this for yourself, but once you stop working for approval and working to fit that identity. You begin working from alignment and intention and purpose, and it's possible to do this without completely letting go of your, of your role at work.

Okay. You can still have goals, you can still have aspirations in this field. You can still have purpose and drive and ambition. This is not an all or nothing scenario. In fact, it is quite the opposite. What [00:19:00] I. Wanna offer is that by doing some of what I'm, what I'm sharing today, it actually helps you to fulfill that ambi ambition at work.

It helps you to be, you know, able to build a more successful career. Whatever your definition of success is. For some people that might be running a private practice with a team of providers, for other people, their definition of success might be working for somebody else part-time and having, you know, their, the rest of their time at home to fulfill whatever other interests and needs they have.

F success can look like many different things, but you don't have to burn yourself out. To prove yourself or to, you know, fit that identity that you have adopted or that has been assigned to you at work. You don't have to do that. You absolutely [00:20:00] don't have to do that. So think about where is this showing up for you.

Okay. I've given you some steps just to recap. I want you to identify the role that you play at work and, and examine why that feels safe to you. What about that feels safe? Is it because it's familiar? Is it because you think it, it ensures job security? Is it because you think that it, it makes people like you?

Like what about that role? What about that identity? Is safe for you? How does it compare to your identity at home in your personal life? And then audit your time and identify where are you acting from, obligation and from your perceived or assigned identity, and where are you taking action from?

Intention. [00:21:00] Okay. And then start spending time showing up. In the identity that feels true for you, that feels aligned for you both. Well, e outside of work, or it could be even inside and outside of work, but really if you see a big disconnect between your identity and your role in work versus your identity and role out of work, that is something to examine.

Okay. You do not have to. Push yourself to the limit at work because that's what you think you signed up for. The most powerful version of you knows how to say no. The most powerful version of you knows that you get to choose how you spend your time and that [00:22:00] you are worthy of your own time. And that you can spend it on yourself doing things that fill you up, and that when you do that, it doesn't take away from your job as an SLP.

It doesn't take away from your role and your work. It actually helps you show up better and stronger in that role. Okay. You are allowed to have an identity outside of work, and what if that identity looks like. And brings you clarity and peace and purpose instead of just more hours at work and heavier expectations, higher caseloads.

More, more, more. And if you are ready to explore. A version of your career that's aligned with your values and your needs, and not just your output, not just how many sessions you're cranking out in a day, not just how many reports you're [00:23:00] able to write, not just how many evaluations you've completed this month.

Then book a consult. Let's create a work life blend that includes you, that prioritizes you, that gives you that version of balance that you need and that you deserve. That's my invitation for you. You are absolutely worthy of it. You are allowed to be a whole person, not just an SLP, and create your own.

Definition and version of success. Alright, if you wanna talk and you wanna learn how I can help you do this, the link to book a consult is in the show notes, so definitely click that. I'm happy to talk you through it. Even if we don't work together, you'll at least walk away knowing what the next steps are and how you can start doing this on your own.

And next week, make sure you're back here for next week's [00:24:00] episode, I'm gonna be digging into burnout versus stress and alignment. So really how to identify when you are burnt out versus when there's something that's misaligned in your. Home life, personal life, professional life, how to, how to gauge that difference and how to manage it.

So make sure that you're back here for next week's episode, and I will see you then.